They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder,
but by the time I realized it, he had been gone for three months.
Even going into the third year of this series, I've only been in three episodes.
Am I just imagining that I'm in the opening credits?
I can't take it anymore. So I figured out a way to make him one with me.
I mean, to get him to pay attention to me.
So I...
Welcome!
Excuse me. I've got a coupon for a free cake here.
[Chocolate]
Can I use it here?
Yes. Of course. Choose up to three of these cakes here.
Ooh. This looks good, too. Which should I choose?
This cake is our newest creation.
Huh? Really? Hmm...
Choose me!
Cake and me, the things that you love, have become one and are right before your eyes!
What do you think? Should we also become one?
Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that. No, I did also mean it like that.
Now quickly.
Eat me all up.
Umm...Just give me a moment.
That is our most popular cake.
What? Really?
What's up with that?!
"A moment"? How long is that?! How long are you going to make me wait?
Yes, endure it, Ayame.
This is a type of role-playing.
It's one of his time-consuming, sadistic tricks designed to torment a pig like me.
Then, when he can't take it anymore...
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I always eat the main dish last
How wonderful!
Gin is definitely the only one who can push my buttons!
Shut up!
Thank you very much.
Gi...
Gin...
["99 Percent of Men Aren't Confident in Confessing Their Love"]
What's wrong? Why are you sighing?
Sighing? That's called exhaling.
Rough fantasy abandonment just turns me on.
Anyway, aren't you the one who's sighing?
Sighing?
I'm so satisfied by my fulfilling, love-filled days, that was just a burp of happiness.
That stinks.
It's great!
It's a joy to help the one you love.
You can feel each other's love.
You've got thirty seconds to go buy Baagen-Daaz for all the staff.
I'll be right back!
You're just a slave.
You're probably too persistent, aren't you?
Women are creatures who want a chase.
They like men who are uninterested in them!
Men are also creatures who want a chase!
For example, cabaret-club hostesses or the class idol.
Besides, you say you're into in fantasy abandonment, but, in reality, he's just ignoring you!
Shut up! I'm still happy!
I'd even like to share my happiness with you!
Then you might be able to attain your impossible love!
Try it if you can!
I'm also more than happy.
I could even become your love cupid!
Why is this masochistic weirdo so confident?
No, I'm happier having Otae rely on me rather than
having my love ignore me, like hers!
What's with this gorilla stalker's triumphant smile?
No, I'm happier than he is because I'm more human!
Hey, if you're gonna go as far as to say that, then let's settle things to see who's happier.
"Settle things"?
Yeah. Whoever can lead the other's love to success.
I see... The one who wins is truly filled with happiness.
I challenge you.
Bring it on.
Oh...
Oh.
Sarutobi!
It's been a while, hasn't it, Otae?
Actually, I've heard something interesting.
Haven't you heard?
That gorilla stalker who's been following you
has developed an interest in someone else.
No way! Kondo?!
He's already received a love letter from her.
Why do you have it?!
And why is it in code?!
It seems she's from some far-off country.
Translated, it says, "I love you so much that I'm embarrassed to appear in front of you.
I'd like to bury you in a hole."
It's "I'd like you bury myself in a hole"! The meaning's changed!
I also found something that I believe was a gift to her.
Here it is.
Why a collar?! What kind of woman is she?!
She's a bestial woman.
She's perfect for him, since he's half gorilla anyway.
Yes, women are creatures who want a chase.
It's only natural that she'd want to go after a man who leaves her.
I've won this battle!
Wh-What?!
What the hell are you doing?!
I know you've been following me! Why are you acting surprised?!
You couldn't be more obvious!
Well, Sakata, fancy meeting you here.
Hey, you're not listening to me, you half-gorilla.
What is this?
I don't remember doing anything to warrant getting stalked by a man.
Oh! Speaking of stalkers, that four-eyed assassin
has recently fallen for another man.
Well, I don't know who it is, but... he's alive.
What is he? A mole cricket? An earthworm?
Men are creatures who want a chase.
If the person who was chasing him turns away from her, he's sure to go after her.
I've won this battle!
[Hijiki Dango]
So how did you do?
That Odd Jobs guy was easy.
Well, she's a stalker, but she wears glasses, she has big breasts,
she wears glasses, she's sort of considerate, and she wears glasses.
That's it, yeah?
Huh? Gin thought of me in that way?!
Now, now. Don't settle for that.
In the end, he still gave up on you.
So how did you do?!
It was easy. Otae said...
Is that so?
Tell her that I recommend Kondo. He's really good person.
No way! Really?!
That was the first time she ever talked about me like that!
But your happiness aura still isn't very impressive.
In the end, she recommended you. You're still at Yamcha level.
I'm not Yamcha! I'm at least Master Roshi level!
At best, you're a turtle-headed hermit.
What did you say?!
But I still haven't clinched victory in this battle.
In order to win, I need to plan something more direct.
That's it!
I've got a direct and decisive plan.
Will you join me, assassin?
I said that we should just act as if we're going out with each other, but...
what's with that outfit?!
I'm trying to draw attention to the fact that we're supposedly a stupid couple that's attached to each other.
We really are attached to each other!
But it's definitely not a bad plan.
Women are creatures who want a chase.
If someone whose presence they took for granted really disappears...
they'll realize how important that person was.
That's right!
But you've made one mistake.
It's not just women, but men, too.
Huh? Really? I'm glad for the two of you.
Huh? Well...
Congratulations, Sarutobi, Kondo.
Umm... Well... Huh?
What do you two think about living here?
Hey, hold on...
I've got to let everyone know.
Hold on! Wait!
Here. In celebration.
I feel kind of stupid.
Where are you going?
That's enough.
Leave me alone.
Okay.
Because of my pride, that half-gorilla is...
Because of my blustering, that masochist is...
What's wrong, Sarutobi?
Listen to me, Otae!
I'm actually not going out with Kondo!
We made it all up!
She doesn't love me.
She is wholeheartedly and seriously is in love with a certain someone!
[MIND YOUR SUGAR LEVELS]
Kondo only truly loves one person.
She's violent at times, and sometimes doesn't make any sense,
and can be a blowhard, and is a terrible heroine.
But you know that she's the only one for him, don't you?!
That's right. Both men and women
are creatures who are happiest when they're loved.
I have no choice.
What a waste of time.
How bothersome.
Hey.
G... Gin.
O-Otae...
I heard from that half-gorilla stalker about you.
I heard about how serious you are.
Don't hold back.
Right here declare your feelings.
Yes... This is the conclusion to the battle.
Our fighting was pointless.
Kondo.
Satchan!
Thank you!
I will be happy!
I've always loved you!
Go out with me!
Huh?
It's her, right?
The person you love is from a far off country, bestial, sometimes violent,
sometimes doesn't make sense, a blowhard, and a terrible heroine.
That's Catherine, right?
Do you really think that you're a match for me, you half-gorilla?
It's him, right?
The person you like is living, and seriously in love with someone...
DORK for short. That's Hasegawa, right?
But I'm married.
[Kabukicho 1st Street]
I want some sweets.
Geez.
Meaningless road construction, stupid couples before Christmas,
old men who get carried away at year-end parties...
When did the wintertime become so much of a pain in the ass?
6,000 yen an hour!
All you can drink.
We've got a Christmas event today...
With an optional Santa role-playing service.
[Cabaret Club]
[Lipstick Whale]
[6,000 Yen]
This service is free.
You, sir, come on in!
He's...
Hey, gramps!
When are you going to pay us back, huh?!
I-I'm working right now.
Sorry, but could you wait until afterwards?
What did you say?
Don't fool around with me!
Tell that to me after you pay us back.
Well, I'll have it by tomorrow... I can only pay you the interest...
Just the interest?!
Don't talk nonsense!
Stop right here.
I'm saying that I want you to return all my money.
No way... I can't pay back 20,000,000...
What?!
Hey, you thug.
What do you want?
I'll shoulder that old man's debt.
2,000,000, was it? Here!
It's been a while... Gramps.
You're...
Ben!
[2,000,000 Yen]
All right, it's all here.
Thank you very much.
Excuse me.
Gramps, don't go borrowing money at crooked places.
Ben... You...
Hey, you two.
This looks like a fateful reunion.
You're...
["People Who Don't Believe In Santa Are The Very Ones Who Want To Believe, You Contentious Bastard"]
So the three of us meet again. What a coincidence.
[Oden]
You've changed quite a bit, haven't you?
A lot's happened...
Oh yeah?
I quit being a Santa...
Oh? You quit being a Santa?
Is that why you're a tout?
That's right.
I see. Your skills from your former job can be put to use.
Not at all. It's a completely different world.
It's the same in the way that you give people dreams at night, right?
But why? Why did you quit being a Santa?
Lately, things have been rough for Santas...
The laws have been revised and Santa-pension allowances
have decreased while our medical expenses have gone up.
Martinez in the official Santa Division says that there's nothing that can be done.
What's a Santa-pension? And who is Martinez?!
Long ago, it was a better age for Santas.
Right now, if you work as a Santa, you can't make any money, let alone eat.
We're not needed.
I see...
They take advantage of us because we have criminal records...
Criminal records?
Yeah. We'd get arrested by the police while we're doing our Santa job...
You got arrested? Why would they arrest you?
Sir, I hate to interrupt, but I figured it out.
It's that thing, isn't it? Exhibition of an obscene object...
No, it's not! What the hell?!
What kind of present would we have to give to be arrested for that?!
[Oden]
[Yakitori]
[Sake]
I'm talkin' about trespassing, trespassing!
Why would a Santa be arrested trespassing? Isn't that weird?
Well, it had to do with the way we looked. There was a problem with that.
Sir, I hate to interrupt, but I figured it out.
The problem was that thing, wasn't it?
Your junk was hanging out...
I told you, that's not it! What's wrong with you?!
You look like such a dandy, but that's all you ever think about!
Our look was that thing...
That thing you forced us to wear.
We couldn't make any excuses dressed like that.
We instantly became ex-convicts.
That was the beginning of my downfall...
Things are easy while you're on the right track, but once you fall off...
It's hard to get back on.
After I gave up the Santa business, we did all sorts of jobs...
Gas station attendants, building window washers, convenience store clerks...
But none of them lasted long...
We couldn't make a living.
There was no point in remaining together...
So we decided to walk our own paths...
But life wasn't so easy...
Everything I did backfired.
Before I realized it, I was neck-deep in debt... I've fallen as far as I could fall.
My future is dark. I want to borrow a reindeer's nose.
I'm not lending you mine.
Anyway, Ben, you really helped me out. Thank you...
Well, my future is dark, too.
Dark?
But you've come up in the world, haven't you?
I'm not talking about money. I'm talking about my heart...
Your heart?
Yeah... Right now, my soul doesn't even have a single watt of shine in it.
After I split from you, I worked in a small money lending business.
It seems I had a knack for it and I quickly became successful...
I went off on my own, and now I'm the president of my own loan sharking business.
I extended into real estate and stocks and tons of cash comes in every day.
But I feel kind of sad.
I have money and my life should feel fulfilling... But there's a hole in my heart...
I always end up remembering my time with you...
I had no money. I had nothing.
But life seemed to have meaning to it.
Everything shined...
I felt encouraged just when I thought
of the smiles children had when they got presents...
Can we run once more, gramps?
You can, can't you? It's easy, isn't it, gramps?
After all this time...
Say, what do you want for Christmas?
I want a Crucian carp set!
What are you talking about? There is no Santa!
No! I'm going to have my dad buy it.
I see.
That's right. There is no Santa anymore.
What are you talking about?
Nowadays, people, both adults and children, don't believe in the things of dreams.
How can I run in such a world?
How can I fly?
Besides, I already sold my sleigh.
A sleigh...
A simple request!
Get on.
What are you talking about?!
Its former residents are still in it!
I told you two years ago that he's a fairy called Cardboard Box O-san
No way. This is just like two years ago!
I can buy a sleigh.
I have money, so I can get one no problem.
Look, your bad, wealthy habits have come out.
That's not good.
You've got to work hard when you don't have any money.
Why a bicycle-drawn cart again?!
It's not a cart. It's my sweet home!
Oh, sorry.
It doesn't matter if it's a sleigh or a cart, does it?
It doesn't matter what you use. All that matters is what you give.
But...
Right now, I'm in debt and I'm a barker for a cabaret club...
Does a ruined man like me have the right to grant children their dreams?
Stop acting so cool.
You suffered and suffered and now you realize that being a Santa is what you're good at.
You you know what you want to do now.
Aren't you glad?
You want to be a Santa from the bottom of your heart, right?
Mom! Get a hold of yourself, Mom!
Mom! Are you all right, Mom?
What's wrong?
Mommy...Mommy...
Little girl!
You're Yuri. You asked for a kendama and a kind mother.
She's going to give birth!
This is bad!
Shall we call an ambulance?
Mom!
No. We don't have time to be waiting for an ambulance!
I'll take her!
Ben, let's go!
All right!
Fly!
All right!
Mommy! Mommy!
It'll be all right!
Hiyah!
[Oedo Hospital]
Thank you so much.
Who knows what might have happened if you weren't there...
Thank goodness, you gave birth to a cute baby.
What do you mean by that?!
Hey, we shouldn't stay too long...
Yeah.
Wait, Santa!
Thank you.
Thank you for giving me a cute brother and a kind mother.
Of course.
Santa will always come if you're a good girl.
[Odd Jobs Gin]
Pass!
We'll be giving a present...
Shinji Takamatsu of Shakuji-machi.
That's right!
They haven't read Shinpachi's letter.
Anyway, they always show this every year, don't they?
Kagura, sorry, but could you be quiet for a moment?
Oh, sorry, Gin-chan.
Want me to turn up the TV?
Naw.
I want to hear...
The sound of Santa's bells...
The next episode:
"Let's Talk About The Past Once In A While."
[A photograph of Gintoki and a beautiful woman found by Kagura while cleaning out the house.]
[And that gets Gintoki talking about how the Odd Jobs business used to be.]